The Downward Penrose

I met two of my heroes, who were awesome and sexy. Dying.

I just got home from seeing the Cat Empire for the tenth time. Then hung out and had a drink with a couple of the band members.

Now it’s 4am and I’m bored and wide awake so I dropped acid.

My life is in shambles, but at least I have fun?

Oh yeah so it’s come to my attention that I totally forgot to mention that I have a job? And have been working for almost a week?? Oops. GOt paid today, I’m all over this.

Thrown up twice, and it’s only 9am! Gonna be a good day.

I’m running off about 2 hours sleep because I was nice enough to drive my sis to the airport this morning. Now there’s 6 hours until my first shift starts, and I’ve thrown up once and am rather violently shaking and sweating.

I don’t want this to be my life anymore. I want/need it to stop.


It took me until A Feast of Crows to fall into the trap of getting attached to a soon-to-die character. Ugh, emotions. Not cool. I feel like a fool.


My centrelink got approved. Payments start next Monday. Now that I have confirmed money coming in, dad agreed to spot my phone bill for me so that i can keep applying for jobs etc. Woo..


Things to not do when your mood is foul:

Get curious as to what emails might be sitting in my inbox from many many years ago

Search through said inbox

Bring to mind many triggering occurrences that have been repressed for at least 5 odd years (and some from 18 months ago). 

Find email from mate who passed away

Find multiple back-and-forth emails with exes

Literally vomit (making a wonderful fucking mess) with the crushing realisation that you are 22, in ridiculous debt, can’t get back into uni anytime soon, unemployed, about to have your phone service stopped entirely (which means I can’t get a job?? because places can’t call me???? Don’t know what to do).

I am living in the worst case scenario for how my life could be. And naturally my mood is dropping even further.

Ugh. Not okay. Not good. Not.. anything.



Fucking Centrelink (Australia’s government welfare place) said they’d call me between 2 and 3 today, and so for the past hour I’ve been sweating and shaking and generally losing my shit through anxiety. 

It’s now 3:05 and of course, they still haven’t fucking called. Fuck this.

Within 20 seconds of me posting this they called. Heh. :\

Highlights from my conversation!

Him: So, how much money is in that bank account right now?
Me: Uh… about negative $1800? Give or take.
Him: Haha I see.

Him: Do you have any disabilities or illness that could impede your ability to apply for jobs?
Me: Well, I have anxiety/depression, but I’m mostly of top of that right now.
Him: Good for you! Well, to make this easier I’m not going to mark that down, but if it flares up on you, just grab a medical certificate and we’ll do the rest!

WHAT IS GOING ON?! How is this governmental bureaucratic conversation going well??