The Downward Penrose

penrosed-down:

penrosed-down:

Fucking Centrelink (Australia’s government welfare place) said they’d call me between 2 and 3 today, and so for the past hour I’ve been sweating and shaking and generally losing my shit through anxiety. 

It’s now 3:05 and of course, they still haven’t fucking called. Fuck this.

Within 20 seconds of me posting this they called. Heh. :\

Highlights from my conversation!

Him: So, how much money is in that bank account right now?
Me: Uh… about negative $1800? Give or take.
Him: Haha I see.

Him: Do you have any disabilities or illness that could impede your ability to apply for jobs?
Me: Well, I have anxiety/depression, but I’m mostly of top of that right now.
Him: Good for you! Well, to make this easier I’m not going to mark that down, but if it flares up on you, just grab a medical certificate and we’ll do the rest!

WHAT IS GOING ON?! How is this governmental bureaucratic conversation going well??

Fucking Centrelink (Australia’s government welfare place) said they’d call me between 2 and 3 today, and so for the past hour I’ve been sweating and shaking and generally losing my shit through anxiety. 

It’s now 3:05 and of course, they still haven’t fucking called. Fuck this.

In less than a week, I’ve managed to rein in my insomnia to merely sleeping in the day, and up all night. A victory, albeit minor. At least I’m getting sleep again?

Dear Alex,

You’re doing it again. Since Friday morning, you’ve had about 6 hours of sleep. It is now 7am on Tuesday. You suck.

Signed, Alex

P.S. go to the fucking doctor and get some fucking drugs and sleep. It is not going to be easy to find a job if your insomnia is back in full force.

Ugh.

penrosed-down:

I’m on the brink of a full on break down. I hadn’t realised how desperately I need this job to work out. They haven’t called me yet, and they may well not give me a shift until the weekend after next.

My phone bill is twice overdue, and I don’t currently have the money to even pay half of it.

If they call me up to tell me that the position had been filled, or something else that leads to me not getting the job.. I’ll be fucked. Like, with almost no options. :S

"Thanks for your trial with us, unfortunately the position has been filled. Good luck."

Fuck.

Fucking hell looks like I’ll be watching the sun rise again. Ugh. I’ve had maybe 4 hours of sleep since Friday night?

I’m on the brink of a full on break down. I hadn’t realised how desperately I need this job to work out. They haven’t called me yet, and they may well not give me a shift until the weekend after next.

My phone bill is twice overdue, and I don’t currently have the money to even pay half of it.

If they call me up to tell me that the position had been filled, or something else that leads to me not getting the job.. I’ll be fucked. Like, with almost no options. :S

Really not too sure of what to do, so I’m just reading and reading and cuddling my puppy and drinking dad’s wine.

I am such a fuck up in everything, all of life. Worse than anyone else I know. This year more than ever I’m realising this. But I haven’t quite given up. Not yet.

For someone with no money, I really do know how to spend it. Somehow just spent $400 on clothes, bringing my total up to like $1500 on clothes in the past year. God dammit Alex.

My job trial (which starts in 4 hours fuck) better go damn well, I sorely need an income. :S

I took a week off from applying for jobs, and started up again properly yesterday.

I had an interview this afternoon with a trial starting tomorrow, and the manager flat-out said he was happy to get me started as soon as possible to get me on the roster.

And it has lots of amazing and quirky cocktails that I’ll get to make, including one served with a rose in the glass?? Looked divine! Can’t wait to try it. Photos to come, I’m sure.

Oh, and almost more importantly, I get to keep my beard on and my piercings in. And the “uniform” is essentially a checked shirt and nice jeans. I could do with this!

My self worth hit a new low this evening. It’s getting harder to keep my strength up.