God dammit. I knew this would happen.. My job interview is in 12 hours, and all day I’ve just been excited. But now… the anxiety of it is insane. I know that I need to go to bed soon, as i have to wake up to shave (bleh) and shower and iron and such. But so far I’ve thrown up twice and can’t sit still.
Times like these I wish that I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend who would just come over and comfort me and calm me down then we’ll have sex and I’ll get tired and fall asleep and I’ll wake up in the morning ready for the day.
Finally on the rise?
So this really is shaping up to be a fantastic week for me.
And fuck, if it’s such a big fucking deal that I “appreciate” you and hang out with you on Mothers’ Day, even if I’m ridiculously sick, how about you act like a good mother once in a while? Isn’t that how it’s meant to work?
Okay so this is fucking bullshit. I’m sitting at home, throwing up, feeling horribly fucking ill. And my family are out saying that I am hungover (I STAYED HOME AND DID NOT EVEN FUCKING HAVE A SINGLE GOD-DAMNED DRINK IN THE END YESTERDAY) and that when I drove to pick up my friend last night, that I was drink driving.
My fucking parents spread bullshit rumours about me drink driving to my extended family. What the fuck is their problem?!
I AM FUCKING SICK YOU FUCKING CUNTS.
How to become the most hated person in your family and make your mother cry in one convenient action: Be sick on Mothers’ Day.
Seriously, it’s not my fucking fault. I am SICK. It happens. I’m sorry I can’t move. I’m sorry I can’t visit your mother. I’m sorry I let you down so horribly.
Yeah thanks, yell at me some more. Yeah, take my stuff, thanks. Appreciated.
I’ve been on Pristiq for over a week now. I get these massive mood swings, I feel sane and competent and functional one moment, feeling more stable than I can ever remember feeling, then snap. I’m mid-panic attack.
I’ve become so scared of letting myself relax because I feel like I NEED to get better NOW, so I’m also putting all of this pressure on myself which just freaks me out.
The Temazepam I’m on to help me sleep honestly doesn’t work, not well enough at least. My anxiety reaches levels that just render the meds useless.
I’ll be seeing my doctor in a week or so to give her my CT scan results, so I guess I’ll see what she reckons. I need sleep. I need something to calm my mind.
And fuck, I need human contact. Hiding out in my room non-stop just reinforces how alone I feel right now. Bleh.
Yesterday and the day before, I tried something new and scary for me.. I went both days with zero coffee or tea, severely limited my caffeine intake. I then took my sleeping pill at night after a busy day.
It still took me two or so hours to fall asleep.
Solution? Drink my usual dose of coffee today. :3